Truth and Lies
by Droory
Summary: Ivan always felt alone, so when he's accepted at last he has to wonder if it's for real. He doesn't want to lose it, even if it's just a lie.


_**A story from my**_ **Ao3** _ **that I figured I would finally post here.**_

 _ **Enjoy!**_

* * *

Ivan never belonged. He was always alone. Abandoned from a young age. Lonely even in the bustling city of Kalay. Outcast from the society he was surrounded by. He didn't belong there, despite what Hammet or Layana told him. He had always known, deep down in some way, that he wasn't meant to be there.

He had always known it and it wasn't just from the powers he possessed or the thoughts he could hear as people passed him by. It wasn't how uncomfortable he used to feel in his own body, how he still sometimes feels. It wasn't the insults thrown at him or the abused he suffered from the other kids for being a weirdo and a freak. It wasn't even the visions he sometimes got when he was alone and isolated.

No.

It was the way his "parents" looked at him. He could see it in their eyes: the fear of the unknown and the fear that one day he would be gone. He didn't even need to hear the accidental thought as he was growing up, he could see it. They were afraid of what they didn't know, and his powers were exactly that, despite how Hammet had him help during merchant trades. They were afraid of suddenly Ivan being gone, because even if he was not entirely sure of it at some point, they were, and they knew one day he would be gone.

He was alone and someday he wouldn't even have his "parents" to turn to because someday, for some reason, he would be gone and left even more alone than ever.

It was only when he was abandoned by Hammet in Vault did he first find people who accepted him. Isaac and Garet of Vale became his first true friends and helped him despite how urgent their own quest was. Fate seemed to shine on Ivan as it seemed he had no choice but to accompany these two friends on their journey, feeling it was where he truly belonged.

He grew particularly close to Isaac. He always felt safer with him. He was calm and quiet. He could command and guide with little to no hesitation. He was determined and focused on his mission to save the world, but he always had time to help those he met and reassure and cheer everyone when things seemed down.

As the quest continued he came into his own, learned more about himself and his past. He continued on the quest with Isaac slowly developing a romantic relationship with him as they journeyed all over the world. Ivan became his own man and made so many lasting friends and memories with people he knew would accept him no matter what.

But most importantly, he had found Isaac and found love, and had it found in him in return.

He belonged somewhere and had people to be with after so long.

* * *

Ivan loved days like this. A light breeze was lightly whipping through the air, the sun was meekly shining, but shining all the same, as grey clouds spread across the sky casting down there soft summer shower. Ivan smiled and curled his toes feeling the grass and soil beneath his feet. The boy gently shook his head letting stray droplets of drizzle scatter about him in a messy arc.

He loved the rain, he was never quite sure exactly why. He took a deep breath and delighted in the fresh and damp scents that flooded through his nostrils. He loved the feeling of freshness the rain brought to the land. He loved seeing water droplets sparkle on blades of grass after a downpour. He loved feeling the damp earth beneath his feet and running through and splashing in puddles.

Ivan's smile spread into an open-mouthed toothy grin as he felt a familiar squeeze in his hand before a light squeak escape him at the delicate touch of lips against his cheek. He turned his eyes upward; blinking a few sparkling beads of rainwater off of his eyelashes, to meet the gaze of the man who had just turned his face a very light shade of pink.

There was Isaac as perfect as the day he had first seen him, shining even in the mildly dull air of the overcast summer day. Ivan could see trickles of water sliding along and hanging off his light straw-coloured hair, caressing along the curves of his handsome face before falling from his chin. His lips were curved upward in the softest of smiles.

Ivan couldn't help but feel his face grow hotter as he looks up at his boyfriend, standing up on his tippy-toes to reach the boy's face and chastely smooch his lips in response. Isaac's lips curl upward before he wraps his arms around the smaller boy and lifts him up from the ground earning a happy squeal from Ivan before he was lovingly nuzzling their cheeks together and smooching his nose. Ivan giggled from the affection he was being shown, doing his best to respond in kind.

The young blonde's giggles turned to loud laughter as Isaac began to spin around and around in circles, flinging droplets from both of them as they spun before collapsing to the ground in a pile of giggles and laughs.

Ivan's laughed continued as he took advantage of his slighter frame and agility to manoeuvre around Isaac and quickly kiss the boy's nose before snuggling close to him on the damp grass and soil of the field beneath them. Isaac chuckled and wrapped his arms around the boy, cuddling him closer to his chest and holding him as the rain began to dissipate and fade allowing the weak shine of the sun to peak more fully through the clouds.

Ivan smiled and gently nuzzled his head against Isaac, faintly being able to make out the soft beat of the man's heartbeat as he lay in his arms.

He'd be happy to stay just like this forever.

He finally belonged.

* * *

The nights always seemed harder. That is, they were. Much harder. That was when he was the most alone with his thoughts, those horribly intrusive, painful thoughts. That voice that he could silence when things seemed brighter and he was with people. That voice that told him it was all a lie, that his friends would leave him and abandon him. That he'd be alone again soon enough, like he deserved.

He hated it he hated it he hated it, he just wanted the voice to go away, for it to stop. He had friends, he knew they wouldn't leave him, they wouldn't, after all they had been through together they wouldn't.

He curled into himself and clung to his blanket tightly, trying not to disturb Isaac sleeping next to him. He didn't want Isaac to see him like this. He'd leave him if he thought he was weak, if he showed that he was so insecure that he didn't trust that Isaac wouldn't leave. He just wanted that voice to stop, to go away, Isaac wouldn't, Isaac loved him.

He hiccupped and wiped his eyes on the blanket, doing his best to keep his sniffs and gasps as quiet as possible. He didn't want to disturb Isaac, he didn't want him to leave. He wanted to be with him, even if he was suffering like this it was okay, as long as he didn't leave. He wouldn't leave, would he?

He shook his head, struggling to separate his own thoughts from that of those intrusive voices calling him pathetic, weak, telling him he deserved to be alone, telling him it was only a matter of time. He wiped at his cheeks, trying to stem the flow of salty tears streaking their way down his face.

It didn't take long for him to cave, to succumb to his needy, weak thoughts, for his voice to belittle him even more for it as he clung to Isaac's back and begged him not to leave him. Isaac was stirred awake by the sudden tight contact and groggily questioned his boyfriend.

" _Please don't leave me, please don't, I don't want to be alone pleasedon'tleavepleaseI'malwaysalonedon'tleavepleaseIloveyou."_

Ivan clung tighter when he felt Isaac shifting in his arms, afraid that he was trying to get away, that he was leaving him for being weak and pathetic like all those voices in his head were shouting. His eyes were squeezes tight, praying that the tears would stop coming if he closed them tight enough and that if he never opened them he'd never have to see Isaac leave.

" _Ivan, look at me."_

It took several moments, his pleads fading away into nothing but whispers and then sobs, before he cracked open his eyes. He couldn't see anything, all the tears in his eyes gave him nothing more than a blurry image of the man in his grip.

He felt a soft touch brush against his face, wiping away the wetness on his face and near his eyes. Ivan blinked several times, slowly clearing his vision, before a much clearer image of Isaac was lying in front of him.

His face was being held in the man's hands, his thumbs lightly caressing along the smooth skin of Ivan's cheeks. Isaac simply held Ivan like that for a minute, maybe two, perhaps even more, Ivan wasn't sure. Isaac's lips slowly came closer to Ivan's own and placed a very delicate and soft kiss on them.

" _I will never ever leave you, Ivan."_ His voice was soft, but filled with the strength of conviction it held while they were journeying together, _"I love you and I will always be with you. I promise."_

Ivan began to choke out some response but Isaac pressed a finger to his lips before he could form any coherent sound or word.

" _Read my mind."_

Ivan sniffed and remained as still as he could, but his body still shook and shivered from the emotional and mental toll he was being subjected to. It took a while for Ivan to calm enough to be able to cast any kind of Psynergy let alone find the concentration to read someone's mind, even if it was open to him.

When at last his body pulsed with the silvery rings of active Psynergy all the voices in his mind were replaced with images flooding in from Isaac's. They were from all of their times together. Every single memory supplied to him was happy and filled with joy and love and smiles. As the Psynergetic rings faded away Ivan sniffed again, meekly wiping at his nose.

" _I could never leave someone I love so much, someone who makes me so happy. I could never and will never leave you, Ivan."_

Ivan sniffed and nodded, his face still held in Isaac's gentle hands. The blue-eyed boy tenderly kissed Ivan again before moving to wrap his arms around him and hold him close to his chest. Softly kissing the crown of the young man's head Isaac cuddled Ivan as he slowly calmed down.

" _Thank you…"_

His voice was quiet, strained and tired, as he squeezes closer to Isaac. He merely responded by gently rubbing Ivan's hair.

Ivan breathed simply, keeping all of the images Isaac had showed him fresh in his mind to keep the voice at bay. It wasn't long before the young Contigan was sleeping against Isaac's chest, dreaming of those very same memories.

Isaac smiled and kissed Ivan again as he shut his eyes.

" _I'll never leave you. I promise."_

* * *

It was raining. The thought was nothing more than a passing fact to the young Contigan boy as he stared at the damp ground beneath him. The soil was still fresh. He blinked some drops of rain out of his distant purple eyes, more of them sliding through his ragged hair making it stick to his face before dropping away.

He didn't curl his toes into the ground or roll on the balls of his feet to feel how the ground beneath him responded to the pressure he applied to it. He was stock still, no energy or liveliness in any of his body. The only bit of him that moved was the slight rise and fall of his chest.

He blinked again, his jaw tight and set, as he stared down at the ground before him.

 _Here Lies_

 _Isaac of Vale_

The words were carefully carved into the gravestone, every detail of the letters and the surrounding design had been meticulously worked. Six feet below it, in the fresh grave, was Isaac. He was in his coffin directly below where Ivan now stood. So close to him, yet gone forever.

Ivan's eyes narrowed, his tears had long since stopped coming or the rain was hiding them. He didn't know which and he wasn't sure which he preferred. His boyfriend was gone, what could he do but stand here?

He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. He could smell nothing. Nothing at all. He was just here six feet away from Isaac and there was nothing else. No sensation, no feeling, nothing.

No one had expected Isaac to fall ill, even less expected it to be something incurable. Mia tried her best, everyone did. Every great healer, every friend and contact they had made during their quest. Everyone had tried their best to save him but now he was gone to some unknown and incurable condition.

They had all been by his side when he passed; they were all back together for the first time in years to share Isaac's last moments. Now he was gone and the group was going to go their separate ways again before long. It might take a few days, a few weeks, maybe even a few months, but eventually they would all go their own way.

And Ivan would be alone again.

He hated himself, he really did.

He hated absolutely everything about himself.

He hated these thoughts.

He hated the cacophony of voices echoing through him.

But it was all he could think.

Isaac had left him alone.

" _You lied."_

* * *

 ** _GASPOLA!_**

 ** _Well I hope you all enjoyed this year and a half old fic.  
Thanks for reading!  
Your pal,  
Droory  
_**


End file.
